As I finished my post yesterday I realized that some of the very things that I talked about being stereotypes for ADHDers came out in the fact sheet that I posted. I wanted to explain this yesterday, but the post was already long enough and I was already running late for work because I lost track of time.
Just because something is a "fact" does not mean it applies to every person the same way. Yes, in children especially, struggling in school is one of the signs/symptoms to look for, but, the problem I have, is when people see that child struggling in school and ASSUME (and you know what that gets you) that they are just "not bright," or even worse they call them stupid or other names that are so hurtful I'm not even going to take the time to think of them right now. The worst part is, a lot of the time, ADHDers struggle with self-esteem issues. No matter how much we may have actually accomplished in life, we have a tendency to see ourselves as failures, because, whether we've been diagnosed or not (trust me, it's worse if you're not) we have a sense that something just isn't quite right, that somehow, something is missing that's keeping us from living up to our full potential. Unfortunately, instead of thinking, "Hey, maybe I can get help for this," we tend to lean towards, "Well, here we go again. That's one more thing I screwed up. Just goes to show that I'll probably never amount to anything." And when you have thoughts like that running through your head, it's no wonder so many ADHDers have co-existing depression and anxiety. We get caught up in our failures and began to feel hopeless which leads to depression. But, we also hold out just enough hope that maybe, just maybe, this will be the time that we get it right and putting that much stress on ourselves can often lead to anxiety.
Now, before I go I want to share an example of stereotypes in adults with ADHD. For this one, it's going to get a bit personal for me, but if sharing my life and struggles can help someone else, I'm willing to do it. A little over a year ago, I moved from a job that emphasized my strengths to one that shows a lot more of my weaknesses. Because I knew I was struggling and I wanted it to be clear that I wasn't just being lazy and unproductive, I was open in talking about my depression, anxiety, and ADHD in hopes of reaching an understanding that would work for everyone. Instead, I feel like those things (unintentionally) have been used against me. I've been passed up for projects because they "knew I was dealing with a lot right now and didn't want to put too much on me." When I was missing work because I wasn't sleeping (which is a common problem for ADHDers) I had a well-meaning coworker assume it was my depression and offer to "motivate me though it." Most of the people in my office stay at their desk pretty much all day (minus meetings and a few minute break now and then), I personally cannot work that way. There is only so long I can keep myself focused and truly be productive. At some point (it varies depending on the day and task, but typically about an hour), if I continue to try and force myself to focus and keep working I make more mistakes than progress so I've learned to just get up and walk away for a minute. Now, I will admit that I need to be better at keeping track of how long I've been away from my desk, but sometimes the tone when I hear "I was going to....but you weren't at your desk," speaks volumes to what they're not actually saying. Most days I feel so misunderstood that I don't even want to be there, which is very odd for me because I've always loved my job. But, I am determined to find a way to make it better.
So, to all of those out there who've judged someone with ADHD out of ignorance, walk a mile in our shoes before you think you know what's going on with us. And, to all my fellow ADHDers out there, please know that you are not alone. Find someone to talk to, I promise it helps to talk to someone who understands from time to time instead of constantly talking to people who just don't get it. But, instead of taking a victim mentality (which is very easy to do I admit) work to find a way to make things better. Regardless of whether you have ADHD or not, you should never stop learning. There are ways to work with your ADHD instead of against it. If anyone out there feels they don't have anyone to talk to in their regular lives and would like to talk with me, leave me a comment with your email address (preferable for now). None of my comments on here are posted until I approve them, so I can get your personal information without it being posted for the entire world to see.
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