For quite some time now I've been working on an idea for a post about structure and how good it is for us ADDers (even if we do want to buck against it sometimes) but, much like my efforts to add a little structure to my own life, it just hasn't been coming together. Well, after the wake-up call I got yesterday, I think I'm better prepared both for this post and implementing structure in my own life.
One of the reasons my ADD went undetected for so long is because my parents just seemed to naturally know what I needed to be able to succeed and were able to find the perfect balance of keeping me structured and on a routine without making it so strict and rigid it left no room for flexibility. I was fortunate to have parents who's work schedules allowed them to be very involved in my life. Therefore, they were able to help me develop a routine so that I didn't have to think about planning my day to get everything in; I just followed the routine.
When I went off to college though, things began to change. At first I did OK but slowly I started forgetting assignments until the last minute and either not getting them done or having to rush and do them right before class. Once I even ended up having to retake a class because I got the date for the big project mixed up and wasn't able to get it done. Fortunately, the professor was kind enough not to give me an F but instead gave me an NC (no credit) so it didn't hurt my GPA. I did better with classes I took with friends because we would talk about the assignments enough to keep them in my memory and often we worked on our homework together. Once I graduated though, I was on my own.
At first, even though I was struggling to keep it together in my personal life, I managed not to let it show at work. I had a hard time keeping important papers organized and just barely managed to pay everything on time, not because I didn't have the money, but because I just couldn't remember when they were due. Then, as my depression worsened and my job duties changed, my struggles started to seep into my job as well. By the time I was diagnosed with ADD last September, every day was chaos in my head as I struggled to keep due-dates for assignments straight and even started missing deadlines my supervisor gave me. Since I've started the medication, things at work have gotten better but I still struggle with keeping my personal life in order. I've "tried" for a while now to find a routine I could stick to but that stubborn, independent streak would kick in and get frustrated at the thought of having my day so planned out that I felt like a robot and I'd back off from it.
And that's pretty much how things have been for the last few months until last week. Better than they use to be but still not quite what they should be. I'd been lucky so far. I'd go through papers just in time to be reminded of something in the next few days that I had completely forgotten about. But last week, I didn't look in time. I got a parking ticket at work (did I mention I work for Uncle Sam). So, being as how I was on federal property and got the ticket from a federal police officer, I had to go to federal court for it. I arranged to take off work on the 8th for court, just to realize, as I was just about to start getting ready, that I had the date wrong and I was a week early. I was embarrassed that I'd gotten it wrong but didn't think too much of it since I was early instead of late. Well, the next week I switched my day off so I wouldn't have to take leave again. I stopped to get gas and a quick snack for breakfast. Once I got back in the car I pulled out the GPS to be certain I got to the right place. I pulled out the paperwork to get the address and that is when I realized I'd gotten the date mixed up with an event at work and I was suppose to be there the day before!! I was mortified! I immediately tried to call the courthouse but they didn't open for another 45 minutes. My mom was bringing my uncle to a doctor's appointment here so I called her to let her know what happened and so she wouldn't freak if she got a phone call from me to come get me out of jail because I was certain there was a "failure to appear" warrant (a federal warrant) out for my arrest. I then called my boyfriend and asked, "What do I do?" He suggested I call before I showed up there because, as he put it, "I don't want you to walk into any drama and then you're calling me to come get you out." So I drove on downtown but waited in my truck until the courthouse opened. I called and explained to the lady that answered the phone in the clerks office that I was on my way to the courthouse this morning when I realized I had gotten the dates mixed up and I was actually suppose to be there yesterday. She asked me a few questions and checked on something and FORTUNATELY was able to give me a continuation until April 10 when I go back. I've never been so thankful to have something postponed in all my life!
So, now I've become more adamant about keeping my planner up-to-date. I've always gone back and forth with planners. I'd see how great it could be for me but then I'd get to caught up with living life and wouldn't take the time to write anything down. I think there was a bit of pride there for me too. I've always thought of myself as having a good memory. And, (thank you Lord) my long term memory for things that were said, things I learned, things I read, and things that happened is pretty good. However, due to the ADD and how easily distracted I am, my short-term memory, especially with dates and times, is terrible. Well, the fear I felt that day was enough for me to get past that pride. I make sure to write things down in my planner. If it's something I need an extra reminder for, I put it on my Google calendar (private entry) and it syncs with my Android phone and I get text messages as reminders. I even get a daily email from Google with my "agenda" for the day.
I think I've mentioned before that my best friend had ADD growing up. Well, ever since I've known her she's ALWAYS had a planner or calendar of sorts to keep up with things. I often laughed to myself about it but now I realize I should've been more like her all along. So, to all you ADDers out there. If time management and short term memory is something you struggle with like me, take my advice, don't let it take a missed court date, and fear of a warrant to get you to realize how important it is to find a way that works for you to keep up with the important stuff. Learn from my mistake. PLEASE!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Just some thoughts....
It's been a weird few days for me. Tuesday I found myself really tired though I really wasn't sure why. I managed to work my way through it but most of the day I had a lot of trouble staying focused on a task I had at work. The rest of the time I'd find myself "hyper-focused" and almost forgot to eat lunch. By the end of the day I was so tired I just wanted to go home and crash and I had a slight headache, the kind I get when my brain is tired from concentrating.
I didn't think too much of it though. I just thought it had been a rough day. Everybody has them now and then. So, I went to bed early to get a little extra rest but still barely drug my butt out of bed the next morning. I was very tired all day and just felt off. I managed to make it through the day and found myself very thankful I was going to be off work today (I wasn't looking forward to the reason I was taking off but that's beside the point).
Well, this morning I got up, barely, and just before I started getting ready to go take care of my "chore" for the day I looked back over the paperwork and realized I somehow got the wrong date in my head and I was about a week early. Well, I thought about going on in to work but I decided since I'd already put in for the time off and made plans to get some other stuff done I'd just go ahead and take a day to relax a little and accomplish some things around the house I've been too busy or too tired to do. But first...a nap! I slept for about an hour and half and then got back up. I did a few things around the house and after only a few hours I was exhausted again. I laid back down around 2:00 and didn't drag out of the bed until about 4:00.
This triggered the, ok, something's not right here thought process for me. I've always loved to sleep but, since I got all my medicines squared away I've stopped taking naps quite as often as I use to. Also, even though I've never been a morning person, it's been easier to get out of the bed in the morning since I've been on the medication. I thought, and I thought, and I thought and I finally remembered looking down at the medicine in my hand this morning and realized that something didn't look right. Eureka! I figured it out. I ran out of my ADD medicine. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not excited about the fact that I hadn't taken it but at least I knew what the problem was. Like a friend of mine said on Facebook, "For someone with chronic and persistent medical issues with no attributable cause, this is a gift."
Earlier in the week I had put all my medicine in my pill organizer. I didn't have enough of the Vyvanse for the whole week but my prescription was already at the pharmacy so I just had to wait until I could get it filled (it's a controlled drug so there are very tight rules and regulations on when and how they can be filled). Well, I forgot to go by the pharmacy and pick it up and, since I was taking medicine every morning, it didn't even dawn on me it wasn't there. I knew I needed to go get the prescription but I was still so tired I just didn't want to go. I finally convinced myself it was better to be a little put out now than to have a miserable day tomorrow so I went. I actually took the pill before I even left the pharmacy parking lot in hopes it'd kick in soon and it did.
On the way home I started thinking about how amazing the miracle of medications can be and really wondered why I had ever fought taking them so much because I feel amazing when I take them and awful when I don't. One thing lead to another and I started thinking about what I would do if I ever got to a point that I couldn't take the medicine anymore. I mean, I started to have allergy testing done and when I found out you have to have been off all "maintenance" medication (that's what my depression, anxiety, and ADD medicines are considered) for 5 days before the test to ensure they didn't mess with the results I quickly changed my mind.
Then my mind turned to having kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to start a family tomorrow, but I've reached the age where it is at least something I think about wanting. I remember an appointment I had with my ADD coach a while back when we discussed this issue. I told her that I had just gotten over being absolutely terrified of having kids and now I'm on medications that I can't take when I'm pregnant and I'm scared I'll go insane if I'm off of them for 9 months. She assured me that I shouldn't worry. There are plenty of things we can do when the time comes. I don't know yet what they are but I've been thinking about researching it some and maybe making a post about it.
I realize all of this may sound like a bit of rambling but I wanted to share it in case anyone out there has the same fear(s) that I had (and still have at times). Your mental illness does not have to be liability. It doesn't have to keep you from accomplishing the things you want out of life. You just have to learn how to work with it.
I didn't think too much of it though. I just thought it had been a rough day. Everybody has them now and then. So, I went to bed early to get a little extra rest but still barely drug my butt out of bed the next morning. I was very tired all day and just felt off. I managed to make it through the day and found myself very thankful I was going to be off work today (I wasn't looking forward to the reason I was taking off but that's beside the point).
Well, this morning I got up, barely, and just before I started getting ready to go take care of my "chore" for the day I looked back over the paperwork and realized I somehow got the wrong date in my head and I was about a week early. Well, I thought about going on in to work but I decided since I'd already put in for the time off and made plans to get some other stuff done I'd just go ahead and take a day to relax a little and accomplish some things around the house I've been too busy or too tired to do. But first...a nap! I slept for about an hour and half and then got back up. I did a few things around the house and after only a few hours I was exhausted again. I laid back down around 2:00 and didn't drag out of the bed until about 4:00.
This triggered the, ok, something's not right here thought process for me. I've always loved to sleep but, since I got all my medicines squared away I've stopped taking naps quite as often as I use to. Also, even though I've never been a morning person, it's been easier to get out of the bed in the morning since I've been on the medication. I thought, and I thought, and I thought and I finally remembered looking down at the medicine in my hand this morning and realized that something didn't look right. Eureka! I figured it out. I ran out of my ADD medicine. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not excited about the fact that I hadn't taken it but at least I knew what the problem was. Like a friend of mine said on Facebook, "For someone with chronic and persistent medical issues with no attributable cause, this is a gift."
Earlier in the week I had put all my medicine in my pill organizer. I didn't have enough of the Vyvanse for the whole week but my prescription was already at the pharmacy so I just had to wait until I could get it filled (it's a controlled drug so there are very tight rules and regulations on when and how they can be filled). Well, I forgot to go by the pharmacy and pick it up and, since I was taking medicine every morning, it didn't even dawn on me it wasn't there. I knew I needed to go get the prescription but I was still so tired I just didn't want to go. I finally convinced myself it was better to be a little put out now than to have a miserable day tomorrow so I went. I actually took the pill before I even left the pharmacy parking lot in hopes it'd kick in soon and it did.
On the way home I started thinking about how amazing the miracle of medications can be and really wondered why I had ever fought taking them so much because I feel amazing when I take them and awful when I don't. One thing lead to another and I started thinking about what I would do if I ever got to a point that I couldn't take the medicine anymore. I mean, I started to have allergy testing done and when I found out you have to have been off all "maintenance" medication (that's what my depression, anxiety, and ADD medicines are considered) for 5 days before the test to ensure they didn't mess with the results I quickly changed my mind.
Then my mind turned to having kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to start a family tomorrow, but I've reached the age where it is at least something I think about wanting. I remember an appointment I had with my ADD coach a while back when we discussed this issue. I told her that I had just gotten over being absolutely terrified of having kids and now I'm on medications that I can't take when I'm pregnant and I'm scared I'll go insane if I'm off of them for 9 months. She assured me that I shouldn't worry. There are plenty of things we can do when the time comes. I don't know yet what they are but I've been thinking about researching it some and maybe making a post about it.
I realize all of this may sound like a bit of rambling but I wanted to share it in case anyone out there has the same fear(s) that I had (and still have at times). Your mental illness does not have to be liability. It doesn't have to keep you from accomplishing the things you want out of life. You just have to learn how to work with it.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
It's Not my Time...It's HIS!
I know I stated a month or so ago that I was going to use this blog to post about my experience and research on mental illness in hopes of helping others but I have a story of God's Power and Grace that I have to share.
On February 16 I left out for New Orleans to visit my best friend since high school and her family. Of course I took my laptop along, I'm a bit of a computer junkie, but once I got there, even though it really wouldn't have been hard for me to take a little time to write a post or two, I decided, "I'm on vacation!" When I got back home on the 21st/22nd I thought, "OK, I'll just take a day or two to catch everything back up from being gone and I'll get back to writing and planning for my other idea (it's still a secret for a little bit longer). Well, one or two days turned into three or four, which turned into seven or eight until March 2 came around and I hadn't done a thing.
There was always something that I thought I just had to do. "I'm tired from work." "I want to have a clear head when I write so I'll work on it later." "I've got to get this house cleaned up. Then I'll be able to concentrate." It was like I had it in my mind that everything else in my life had to be perfect before I could tackle the road that God had laid out for me.
Yesterday was my day off from work and in my mind I had so many things I was going to accomplish that day. But before I could get started my power went out about 9:30. Funny, you can't run the Kirby, or the dishwasher, or the washer/dryer with no power. You can't even get on the internet on your laptop to pass the time or do research because a wireless router needs power to be wireless, lol. So, I decided I'd take a nap. I could tell a storm was coming and Liv, my youngest fur-baby, was scared so I left them in the house while I laid down. It didn't take long for Liv to find her "safe spot" under my bed.
I've never been one to watch the news. I've always been so tender hearted that seeing all the bad news on the news would depress me to no end. As much as it blows my dad's mind that I don't care to keep up with current events, I've honestly never had a single moment that I've wished I watched the news. Matter-of-fact, the only down side I've ever found was not knowing what to expect with the weather.
That being said, I had heard at work that it was suppose to be stormy yesterday, but in my mind I was thinking thunderstorms so the idea of being scared never crossed my mind. It wasn't until my cousin's husband called around 10:30 to check on me and be sure I knew there was a tornado in my area that I knew there was anything I should be worried about. When I got off the phone I said a quick prayer to ask the Lord to protect me and still intended to go to sleep. Then Daddy called to check on me because someone at work had let him know there was a tornado here. Then next thing you know, Momma text me to call her when I could so I picked up the phone and called. She said my cousin had text her to let her know there was a tornado in my area and she wanted to be sure I was OK. I talked to her a few minutes and let her know I was OK and actually told her I was going to let her go so I could take my nap.
Just before I went to sleep, I remember hearing a very strong wind. I remember thinking it sounded strange but shrugged it off and went to sleep. When I woke up my power was still off. I heard from my mom about some damage about 5 miles from my house. I figured it'd be a while before I got power back and since I was going to my parents' house the next day anyway I'd just pack me and the dogs up and go spend the night there.
As I left, the utility company was out working on the lines and had the road blocked off so I had to take a big loop around just to get out. As I drove I saw lots of flooded fields and broken trees and then, almost exactly 2 miles from my house, I saw a house that looked like the back had been ripped off. I kept driving and was amazed how so much of the rest of that road didn't even look like a tornado had come through. Before I could get out of the community God told me "See how fast I could take you out of this world and you wouldn't get a chance to do the things I have in store for you?"
When I got home today, I got online and did a little research and as I read about the number of homes that were destroyed within a 2-5 mile radius of mine I realized how truly blessed I had been. At some point, I also realized that that strange sounding very strong wind had likely been the tornado passing close enough by that I could hear it but it still didn't do any damage.
Through all of this, the lesson that was driven home for me was that I'm on God's time not my own. He doesn't ask for everything to be perfect. Actually, He expects us to trust Him enough to walk out on faith with His direction and know that He will handle everything. I guess I should pay more attention to the plaque I have hanging in my bedroom: "Good morning, This is GOD...I will be handling all your problems today. I will not require your help."
Lord, thank you for sparing me, my home, and my pets who have become almost like children to me. Please help me to continue to grow in my faith and trust in You to realize that if You bring me to it, You'll bring me through it. Please also be with the families who did lose their homes or loved ones Friday. Please also continue to be with those struggling to rebuild/recover from the loss at the hands of the devastating tornadoes last April. AMEN.
On February 16 I left out for New Orleans to visit my best friend since high school and her family. Of course I took my laptop along, I'm a bit of a computer junkie, but once I got there, even though it really wouldn't have been hard for me to take a little time to write a post or two, I decided, "I'm on vacation!" When I got back home on the 21st/22nd I thought, "OK, I'll just take a day or two to catch everything back up from being gone and I'll get back to writing and planning for my other idea (it's still a secret for a little bit longer). Well, one or two days turned into three or four, which turned into seven or eight until March 2 came around and I hadn't done a thing.
There was always something that I thought I just had to do. "I'm tired from work." "I want to have a clear head when I write so I'll work on it later." "I've got to get this house cleaned up. Then I'll be able to concentrate." It was like I had it in my mind that everything else in my life had to be perfect before I could tackle the road that God had laid out for me.
Yesterday was my day off from work and in my mind I had so many things I was going to accomplish that day. But before I could get started my power went out about 9:30. Funny, you can't run the Kirby, or the dishwasher, or the washer/dryer with no power. You can't even get on the internet on your laptop to pass the time or do research because a wireless router needs power to be wireless, lol. So, I decided I'd take a nap. I could tell a storm was coming and Liv, my youngest fur-baby, was scared so I left them in the house while I laid down. It didn't take long for Liv to find her "safe spot" under my bed.
I've never been one to watch the news. I've always been so tender hearted that seeing all the bad news on the news would depress me to no end. As much as it blows my dad's mind that I don't care to keep up with current events, I've honestly never had a single moment that I've wished I watched the news. Matter-of-fact, the only down side I've ever found was not knowing what to expect with the weather.
That being said, I had heard at work that it was suppose to be stormy yesterday, but in my mind I was thinking thunderstorms so the idea of being scared never crossed my mind. It wasn't until my cousin's husband called around 10:30 to check on me and be sure I knew there was a tornado in my area that I knew there was anything I should be worried about. When I got off the phone I said a quick prayer to ask the Lord to protect me and still intended to go to sleep. Then Daddy called to check on me because someone at work had let him know there was a tornado here. Then next thing you know, Momma text me to call her when I could so I picked up the phone and called. She said my cousin had text her to let her know there was a tornado in my area and she wanted to be sure I was OK. I talked to her a few minutes and let her know I was OK and actually told her I was going to let her go so I could take my nap.
Just before I went to sleep, I remember hearing a very strong wind. I remember thinking it sounded strange but shrugged it off and went to sleep. When I woke up my power was still off. I heard from my mom about some damage about 5 miles from my house. I figured it'd be a while before I got power back and since I was going to my parents' house the next day anyway I'd just pack me and the dogs up and go spend the night there.
As I left, the utility company was out working on the lines and had the road blocked off so I had to take a big loop around just to get out. As I drove I saw lots of flooded fields and broken trees and then, almost exactly 2 miles from my house, I saw a house that looked like the back had been ripped off. I kept driving and was amazed how so much of the rest of that road didn't even look like a tornado had come through. Before I could get out of the community God told me "See how fast I could take you out of this world and you wouldn't get a chance to do the things I have in store for you?"
When I got home today, I got online and did a little research and as I read about the number of homes that were destroyed within a 2-5 mile radius of mine I realized how truly blessed I had been. At some point, I also realized that that strange sounding very strong wind had likely been the tornado passing close enough by that I could hear it but it still didn't do any damage.
Through all of this, the lesson that was driven home for me was that I'm on God's time not my own. He doesn't ask for everything to be perfect. Actually, He expects us to trust Him enough to walk out on faith with His direction and know that He will handle everything. I guess I should pay more attention to the plaque I have hanging in my bedroom: "Good morning, This is GOD...I will be handling all your problems today. I will not require your help."
Lord, thank you for sparing me, my home, and my pets who have become almost like children to me. Please help me to continue to grow in my faith and trust in You to realize that if You bring me to it, You'll bring me through it. Please also be with the families who did lose their homes or loved ones Friday. Please also continue to be with those struggling to rebuild/recover from the loss at the hands of the devastating tornadoes last April. AMEN.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Sit your Type A down!!
The type A the title is referring to is personality. Now, I realize there's been some debate over the validity of the Type A and Type B personality theory in the scientific and medical communities (thank you Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory) but, for the purposes of this post, that really doesn't matter, lol! According to Wikipedia (via the link above) the theory is still in use in psychology and in the general population as a way to describe personality.
In order to ensure that what I remembered about Type A personality was correct, I did a quick Google search and browsed through a few of the links. Some of the words I kept seeing to describe Type As were ambitious, aggressive, competitive, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. Depending on your point-of-view and the situation each of those words can have very different connotations.
Maybe by now you're asking yourself what exactly it means to be a Type A personality (or if I have any Type A readers you may have already stopped reading, done your own research, and come back). So, here's how I like to think about it. Type As are passionate, driven people who are always on the go (physically and/or mentally) and don't like to have their time wasted. Being a Type A myself, I can attest to both the positive and negative aspects of the personality type. On the one hand, we're great if you need someone who will dive right in and get the job done quickly. On the other hand, we get frustrated with people we believe are slowing us down and might have a tendency to "go around" those we see as road blocks which ends up eroding teamwork and causing tension. Also, if you take too long to tell us what it is you want, we probably aren't going to hear all of it because we've already moved on in our mind to think about how we're going to accomplish what it is we think you want and have virtually "tuned you out."
How does all of this tie back to mental health awareness? I mean, that is what I said the purpose of this blog was going to be...
While I'm not insinuating that everyone with a Type A personality has ADHD, the traits of a type A personality, to me, line right up to the symptoms of ADHD. Before I started my medication and coaching I was continually frustrated with those around me who just didn't seem to move as quickly as I did. Looking back, I know I hurt a lot of people's feelings when I let that frustration get the better of me and ended up adding a lot of unnecessary stress on myself along the way. While I can't say that I don't still get frustrated with the road blocks along my way, the knowledge I've gained about my ADHD has given me much needed insight into why I feel and act the way I do sometimes. Honestly, that understanding (along with the serenity prayer as I mentioned in previous posts) has been the biggest key in learning how to deal with those situations so that I don't stay frustrated and stressed out all the time.
Finally, for the part of this post that actually inspired the title, I've learned from my own experience and from reading Driven to Distraction, ADHD/ADD folks need time in their day that they can "just be." We keep our minds (and often our bodies along with it) running wide open and, if we don't allow ourselves time to relax, our mind and body will inevitably hit overload and shutdown, often in the most inopportune times and places. In order to avoid that shutdown, (and the health problems that can come with living a life where you continuously go til you drop) make it a point to set aside time in your day to slow down and relax. Find what works to help you unwind (hopefully it's something legal) and make it a point to work that into your day every day.
For me, I've learned that my day goes much better if I allow myself more time than absolutely necessary to get ready in the morning. I take care to keep myself from getting too worked up mentally while I'm getting ready. I take a moment to just sit and not have to think. If I have to, I take a couple deep breaths and remind myself that my problems and goals for the day aren't going anywhere in the next few minutes and I'll be better equipped to deal with/accomplish them with a clear head. Also, most mornings, I talk to God. I thank Him for blessing me to see another day and ask Him to go with me throughout the day and help me make it through.
Don't get me wrong, life happens and I'm not perfect. There are days where I can't, for whatever reason, work this routine in in the morning. But I've found that on the days I do I can better deal with the normal frustrations that come along and at the end of the day I'm not absolutely exhausted. I can still function when I get home if there are household chores I need to take care of.
My approach may not work for everybody, but I strongly encourage you to find what works for you. It may take a while for you to find it, but I promise you, once you do, it will be well worth they time you put into figuring it out.
In order to ensure that what I remembered about Type A personality was correct, I did a quick Google search and browsed through a few of the links. Some of the words I kept seeing to describe Type As were ambitious, aggressive, competitive, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. Depending on your point-of-view and the situation each of those words can have very different connotations.
Maybe by now you're asking yourself what exactly it means to be a Type A personality (or if I have any Type A readers you may have already stopped reading, done your own research, and come back). So, here's how I like to think about it. Type As are passionate, driven people who are always on the go (physically and/or mentally) and don't like to have their time wasted. Being a Type A myself, I can attest to both the positive and negative aspects of the personality type. On the one hand, we're great if you need someone who will dive right in and get the job done quickly. On the other hand, we get frustrated with people we believe are slowing us down and might have a tendency to "go around" those we see as road blocks which ends up eroding teamwork and causing tension. Also, if you take too long to tell us what it is you want, we probably aren't going to hear all of it because we've already moved on in our mind to think about how we're going to accomplish what it is we think you want and have virtually "tuned you out."
How does all of this tie back to mental health awareness? I mean, that is what I said the purpose of this blog was going to be...
While I'm not insinuating that everyone with a Type A personality has ADHD, the traits of a type A personality, to me, line right up to the symptoms of ADHD. Before I started my medication and coaching I was continually frustrated with those around me who just didn't seem to move as quickly as I did. Looking back, I know I hurt a lot of people's feelings when I let that frustration get the better of me and ended up adding a lot of unnecessary stress on myself along the way. While I can't say that I don't still get frustrated with the road blocks along my way, the knowledge I've gained about my ADHD has given me much needed insight into why I feel and act the way I do sometimes. Honestly, that understanding (along with the serenity prayer as I mentioned in previous posts) has been the biggest key in learning how to deal with those situations so that I don't stay frustrated and stressed out all the time.
Finally, for the part of this post that actually inspired the title, I've learned from my own experience and from reading Driven to Distraction, ADHD/ADD folks need time in their day that they can "just be." We keep our minds (and often our bodies along with it) running wide open and, if we don't allow ourselves time to relax, our mind and body will inevitably hit overload and shutdown, often in the most inopportune times and places. In order to avoid that shutdown, (and the health problems that can come with living a life where you continuously go til you drop) make it a point to set aside time in your day to slow down and relax. Find what works to help you unwind (hopefully it's something legal) and make it a point to work that into your day every day.
For me, I've learned that my day goes much better if I allow myself more time than absolutely necessary to get ready in the morning. I take care to keep myself from getting too worked up mentally while I'm getting ready. I take a moment to just sit and not have to think. If I have to, I take a couple deep breaths and remind myself that my problems and goals for the day aren't going anywhere in the next few minutes and I'll be better equipped to deal with/accomplish them with a clear head. Also, most mornings, I talk to God. I thank Him for blessing me to see another day and ask Him to go with me throughout the day and help me make it through.
Don't get me wrong, life happens and I'm not perfect. There are days where I can't, for whatever reason, work this routine in in the morning. But I've found that on the days I do I can better deal with the normal frustrations that come along and at the end of the day I'm not absolutely exhausted. I can still function when I get home if there are household chores I need to take care of.
My approach may not work for everybody, but I strongly encourage you to find what works for you. It may take a while for you to find it, but I promise you, once you do, it will be well worth they time you put into figuring it out.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Where did you get your M.D.?
DISCLAIMER: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!
OK, this is one of those posts where I share the mistakes I've made with my medications and hope that no one who reads this will ever do what I did. All lessons do not have to be learned the hard way. :-)
Now, on to my story. I've decided somewhere down the line someone in my family crawled through some green ooze that caused some gene mutations. Unfortunately, we didn't get really cool ninja skills like the turtles, we got a gene that causes us to think we know more about what medications we should be taking than our doctors!
I can remember my parents and my aunt & uncle having many conversations with my grandpa on this topic. In my infinite teenage/young adult wisdom and foresight I "KNEW" that I would always take my medication exactly the way it was prescribed....WRONG!!!
Apparently I forgot about the time when I was 16 and got a royal butt-chewing from my doctor for not using my inhaler for months at a time (it was prescribed for daily use).
And apparently my crystal ball I had back then didn't show me that in 2009 I would assume I knew everything I needed to know about the water pill I was taking and then end up taking it in the morning before playing a softball tournament in Panama City in 100+ degree weather (apparently I forgot that part of biology where we learned that peeing wasn't the only way your body rids itself of excess fluid) Yea, that didn't end well....
But, instead of realizing that maybe, just maybe, I didn't know EVERYTHING about my medicine and I should talk to my doctor, I would freak out and take myself off of it until my doctor noticed that my blood pressure had gone up and let me know that I had two options, take my water pill or start blood pressure medicine (that got me over being afraid of the water pill really quickly)!
And obviously 2011 was too far outside the scope of my crystal ball or else I would have known that after I started my anxiety medicine (that diagnosis came a few months after the depression diagnosis) I would feel so good that I would decide it had been anxiety all along and I wasn't really depressed so I just wouldn't refill my depression medicine because I just didn't need it. Yea, I only did that once before I realized that my Bachelor's in Management and Master's in Logistics was not equal to all those years of med school my doctors had.
See, I learned that even though my anti-depressant only took 3 days to be completely out of my system, it took about 2 weeks for it to fully get back in it! And, on top of that, I was dragging so bad from not having the anti-depressant that I would run late every morning and ended up missing 3 days of my anxiety medicine before I realized what was going on.
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Your doctor(s) went to school 7+ years to get training in what they do. Take your medicine as they direct. They know things about the medicine that you don't. Even if you do have that M.D. out beside your name like they do, how objective do you really think you can be in diagnosing yourself?
MORAL #2 (I'll throw this one in for free ;-)): Ask your doctor questions!!! So many people ask so many questions about the mundane parts of life or the latest gossip. Heck, we even ask questions we don't necessarily expect an answer for (i.e. How are you?) So why is it when it comes to our mental and physical health so many of us go mute?
OK, this is one of those posts where I share the mistakes I've made with my medications and hope that no one who reads this will ever do what I did. All lessons do not have to be learned the hard way. :-)
Now, on to my story. I've decided somewhere down the line someone in my family crawled through some green ooze that caused some gene mutations. Unfortunately, we didn't get really cool ninja skills like the turtles, we got a gene that causes us to think we know more about what medications we should be taking than our doctors!
I can remember my parents and my aunt & uncle having many conversations with my grandpa on this topic. In my infinite teenage/young adult wisdom and foresight I "KNEW" that I would always take my medication exactly the way it was prescribed....WRONG!!!
Apparently I forgot about the time when I was 16 and got a royal butt-chewing from my doctor for not using my inhaler for months at a time (it was prescribed for daily use).
And apparently my crystal ball I had back then didn't show me that in 2009 I would assume I knew everything I needed to know about the water pill I was taking and then end up taking it in the morning before playing a softball tournament in Panama City in 100+ degree weather (apparently I forgot that part of biology where we learned that peeing wasn't the only way your body rids itself of excess fluid) Yea, that didn't end well....
But, instead of realizing that maybe, just maybe, I didn't know EVERYTHING about my medicine and I should talk to my doctor, I would freak out and take myself off of it until my doctor noticed that my blood pressure had gone up and let me know that I had two options, take my water pill or start blood pressure medicine (that got me over being afraid of the water pill really quickly)!
And obviously 2011 was too far outside the scope of my crystal ball or else I would have known that after I started my anxiety medicine (that diagnosis came a few months after the depression diagnosis) I would feel so good that I would decide it had been anxiety all along and I wasn't really depressed so I just wouldn't refill my depression medicine because I just didn't need it. Yea, I only did that once before I realized that my Bachelor's in Management and Master's in Logistics was not equal to all those years of med school my doctors had.
See, I learned that even though my anti-depressant only took 3 days to be completely out of my system, it took about 2 weeks for it to fully get back in it! And, on top of that, I was dragging so bad from not having the anti-depressant that I would run late every morning and ended up missing 3 days of my anxiety medicine before I realized what was going on.
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Your doctor(s) went to school 7+ years to get training in what they do. Take your medicine as they direct. They know things about the medicine that you don't. Even if you do have that M.D. out beside your name like they do, how objective do you really think you can be in diagnosing yourself?
MORAL #2 (I'll throw this one in for free ;-)): Ask your doctor questions!!! So many people ask so many questions about the mundane parts of life or the latest gossip. Heck, we even ask questions we don't necessarily expect an answer for (i.e. How are you?) So why is it when it comes to our mental and physical health so many of us go mute?
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Serenity in Action
Before I start this post, let me point out that I am not a mental health professional. I cannot diagnose or treat any condition. The things I will blog about are things that I have learned from my personal struggle, talking to my doctors, or through research. I am sharing the things I've learned in order help others.
Before I even talked to my doctor, I had to come to some very important realizations. I had to realize that the daily battles I was having in my head did not have to be normal. I had to realize that nobody, not even me, deserved to be as consistently unhappy and miserable as I had become. I also had to realize, it's ok to not be able to handle everything by myself. God put great friends and family in my life to help me pick up the slack. He also gave some very great people the means, opportunity, knowledge, and desire to go to med school and learn to help people like me.
In other words, God gave me the serenity to accept that I could not change things on my own, the courage to take steps to ask for help on the things I could change with help, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two.
I continued to struggle even after my diagnoses. It's like I forgot everything God had helped me to see. I was frustrated that I wasn't in control of my own mind. I felt I was too young to start taking medication I'd be on the rest of my life. I made very bad mistakes, that I do not recommend anyone make, with my medication. I tried to play doctor and took myself off of one or two of them or didn't take care to be certain I took them as directed. I learned the hard way that the medication wasn't a crutch, it was simply a tool I added to my tool-belt to accomplish the tasks I faced in a day.
Again, God gave me the serenity to accept the things I could not change (the biology of my own brain), the courage to change the things I could (my attitude towards my treatment) and the wisdom to know the difference.
Now, as I've come to terms with all the things I've mentioned here, I keep the serenity prayer in my head every day because I am continually faced with situations where I have to realize I cannot change the way my mind works, but I can adapt the way I do things to make it less of a problem. I keep reminding myself that, aside from taking my medication as directed, there is nothing I can do to change that 40%, but there is so much that I can do to affect the other 60%. I've always loved learning so I treat each day as a learning experience. It keeps things interesting that way and helps me not to get so frustrated.
I am convinced that my medications and the serenity prayer are the two most important tools I have to facing each day and doing it in such a way that I feel "normal" again. I take a lesson from American Express and don't leave home without them.
Before I even talked to my doctor, I had to come to some very important realizations. I had to realize that the daily battles I was having in my head did not have to be normal. I had to realize that nobody, not even me, deserved to be as consistently unhappy and miserable as I had become. I also had to realize, it's ok to not be able to handle everything by myself. God put great friends and family in my life to help me pick up the slack. He also gave some very great people the means, opportunity, knowledge, and desire to go to med school and learn to help people like me.
In other words, God gave me the serenity to accept that I could not change things on my own, the courage to take steps to ask for help on the things I could change with help, and the wisdom to know the difference between the two.
I continued to struggle even after my diagnoses. It's like I forgot everything God had helped me to see. I was frustrated that I wasn't in control of my own mind. I felt I was too young to start taking medication I'd be on the rest of my life. I made very bad mistakes, that I do not recommend anyone make, with my medication. I tried to play doctor and took myself off of one or two of them or didn't take care to be certain I took them as directed. I learned the hard way that the medication wasn't a crutch, it was simply a tool I added to my tool-belt to accomplish the tasks I faced in a day.
Again, God gave me the serenity to accept the things I could not change (the biology of my own brain), the courage to change the things I could (my attitude towards my treatment) and the wisdom to know the difference.
Now, as I've come to terms with all the things I've mentioned here, I keep the serenity prayer in my head every day because I am continually faced with situations where I have to realize I cannot change the way my mind works, but I can adapt the way I do things to make it less of a problem. I keep reminding myself that, aside from taking my medication as directed, there is nothing I can do to change that 40%, but there is so much that I can do to affect the other 60%. I've always loved learning so I treat each day as a learning experience. It keeps things interesting that way and helps me not to get so frustrated.
I am convinced that my medications and the serenity prayer are the two most important tools I have to facing each day and doing it in such a way that I feel "normal" again. I take a lesson from American Express and don't leave home without them.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Following His Directions Will Never Get You Lost
Back in September/October when I was diagnosed with ADD the Lord gave me a burden/desire to help others who are dealing with mental illness by offering encouragement and tips I've learned along my way and by raising awareness in the community as many mental disorders are still greatly misunderstood. I talked with my Pastor and my ADD Coach about it and both were willing to help and thought it was a good idea. One thing led to another and eventually my plan(s) fell by the wayside but never left my heart. I realize now, God was showing me what He had in store for me and I just wasn't where He needed me to be at the time.
I continued to work and pray and really began to come to grips with my own situation but left a large amount stress at work unresolved which eventually began to wear me down both physically and mentally. Finally, the week between Christmas and New Year's I came down with a very bad case of bronchitis (on the verge of pneumonia) and had/got to spend 3 days at home. Now, I'm not saying I'm glad I was sick, but it honestly was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. It gave me just enough of a break away from work to realize just how relaxing life could be and just how unnecessary it was for me to keep all that stress bottled up inside. I was finally in the right mindset to be able to deal with and put behind me all that had been keeping me down.
I'm not going to get into the specifics because they're irrelevant. All that needs to be said now is that, once I was able to move past all that stress, it was like a switch was flipped and I began to really feel myself getting back to being the person I had always down was lost down inside somewhere. Things began to go so much better I almost couldn't keep up with it though I was really enjoying trying. :-) Then the Lord brought back all those ideas I'd had months earlier and let me know it was time.
I plan to use this blog to post things I've learned, whether they be about mental illness in general or things I've learned along the way that help me cope. Initially I will focus on depression, anxiety, and ADD, as those are the conditions I have and have the most experience with, but I hope to eventually expand my research to include other mental disorders as well.
I've got a couple other things I'm working on as well but I'm going to keep those under wraps for now. I want them to be a surprise so, if you are one of the few people I've let in on my plan, please no comments about it on here. Please leave those comments to our personal communication until I'm ready to announce them.
So, that's about it for today but, before I sign off for the night, I want to leave you with something my Momma taught me when I was growing up and has been a big help to me working through the tough times as I learn more and more about my depression, anxiety, and especially the ADD.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
More to come in the next post about how applying the Serenity Prayer has helped me get to where I am today, the happiest and most satisfied I've ever been in my adult life!
I continued to work and pray and really began to come to grips with my own situation but left a large amount stress at work unresolved which eventually began to wear me down both physically and mentally. Finally, the week between Christmas and New Year's I came down with a very bad case of bronchitis (on the verge of pneumonia) and had/got to spend 3 days at home. Now, I'm not saying I'm glad I was sick, but it honestly was the best thing that could have happened to me at that time. It gave me just enough of a break away from work to realize just how relaxing life could be and just how unnecessary it was for me to keep all that stress bottled up inside. I was finally in the right mindset to be able to deal with and put behind me all that had been keeping me down.
I'm not going to get into the specifics because they're irrelevant. All that needs to be said now is that, once I was able to move past all that stress, it was like a switch was flipped and I began to really feel myself getting back to being the person I had always down was lost down inside somewhere. Things began to go so much better I almost couldn't keep up with it though I was really enjoying trying. :-) Then the Lord brought back all those ideas I'd had months earlier and let me know it was time.
I plan to use this blog to post things I've learned, whether they be about mental illness in general or things I've learned along the way that help me cope. Initially I will focus on depression, anxiety, and ADD, as those are the conditions I have and have the most experience with, but I hope to eventually expand my research to include other mental disorders as well.
I've got a couple other things I'm working on as well but I'm going to keep those under wraps for now. I want them to be a surprise so, if you are one of the few people I've let in on my plan, please no comments about it on here. Please leave those comments to our personal communication until I'm ready to announce them.
So, that's about it for today but, before I sign off for the night, I want to leave you with something my Momma taught me when I was growing up and has been a big help to me working through the tough times as I learn more and more about my depression, anxiety, and especially the ADD.
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
More to come in the next post about how applying the Serenity Prayer has helped me get to where I am today, the happiest and most satisfied I've ever been in my adult life!
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