Day 4 of the Two-A-Day Challenge

I plan to do a more in depth post about this later but I wanted to write a little about where to find help for mental illness since another barrier to getting help may simply be not knowing where to go or who to turn to.  I personally started with my family doctor since, at the time, I believed my issues to be related to hormone imbalances instead of mental illness.  Your family doctor can be a good place to start but I highly recommend asking them to refer you to, dare I say, a psychiatrist.  I know the idea of having a psychiatrist my seem awful now, I honestly struggled with it myself at first, but think about it this way, if you had cancer, would you want a general practice doctor who typical has minimal training in a variety of fields, or an oncologist who has years of specialized training in diagnosing and treating cancer?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking on general practice doctors, for 90% of what ails you they are perfect (disclaimer:  that statistic is totally random on my part, just trying to make a point), but certain things just need a specialists touch.  Given the stigma that still exists for mental illness, I'm some may be thinking my example is a bit far-fetched, but in reality, it's not.  The brain is the center of every process your body undertakes, whether it be the ones you consciously think about or the ones that your brain has on auto-pilot.  Therefore, good mental health is ESSENTIAL to good overall health.

If you don't know where to go in your area to seek help you can check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website to find services or programs in your area.  Also, check to see if your employer offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), as they can be a valuable source.  All federal employees have access to EAP.  Actually, our local EAP office referred me to my psychiatrist and the counselor who suggested I be tested for AD/HD.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?section=Find_Supporthttp://www.opm.gov/employment_and_benefits/worklife/healthwellness/eap/

For my second research topic I wanted to share a link that gives a good definition of anxiety disorder (it's so much more than just common everyday worries), its symptoms, and methods of treatment.

http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20188022,00.html

Chore 1 for today was pretty easy for me to decide on, doggie laundry.  No I don't have clothes for my dogs but I have two blankets that I use to cover my couch to reduce the amount of dog hair on the couch.  I rotate them out and it's about time to switch so I had to get the other one washed.  I had a lot of trouble deciding on chore 2 though.  I was trying to figure it out on my way home from work but when I got here I realized Tiger had settled it for me.  Chore 2 was cleaning up doggie diarrhea out of the carpet.  Yuck!

Day 3 of the Two-A-Day Challenge

OK, I'm going to try and keep the research short and sweet tonight.  I busted my lip at my softball game a few hours ago and it hurts, I'm tired, and I want to go to bed, lol.

OK, for my first topic I wanted to talk about problems that can arise in relationships where one or both partners has AD/HD but I think I'll just post the links and let the article and the comments speak for themselves.  I do want to say a couple things though.  To the non-AD/HD partner, YES, your AD/HD partner will get on your nerves.  To the AD/HD partner, NO they are not always going to understand what makes you tick.  But, to both partners I say this, all relationships have their tough times and it takes more than just love to get through those times.  You have to BOTH be willing to give a little to find a way to make it work.  It shouldn't always be the non-AD/HD partner "taking care" of the AD/HD partner, but the AD/HD partner shouldn't always have to bend to their partners will.

Article with lots of negative comments:  http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1593.html
Article with lots of positive comments:  http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/calling-all-happy-add-couples-out-there
Dr Hallowell and Dr Ratey's advice (authors of Driven to Distraction):  http://www.addresources.org/?q=node/268

AD/HD research has come a long way even though many people still don't understand the many forms the AD/HD symptoms can take on.  Back in the 90s when I was still in school (started Kindergarten in 1988 and graduated High School in 2001) AD/HD was often only considered in students who were failing classes and just couldn't keep up.  Many times where I grew up, AD/HD was still seen as something that could be "taken care of" if the parent would just discipline their child.  Now, that's not to say that these stereotypes aren't sometimes true...but not everyone with AD/HD fits into the little box most of the world tries to put us in.  I was blessed to be able to compensate for my AD/HD for most of my life.  That's why I didn't get diagnosed, and didn't even consider the idea that I had AD/HD until I was 28 years old.  I mean, like I said in one of my very early posts, I was a very active, straight A kid who never got into trouble.  Nobody was looking for anything to be wrong with me, they had too many "at risk" students to worry about.  Ever heard the saying, "If it ain't broke don't fix it?"  So, I wanted to spread a little knowledge for the parents out there with exceptionally bright children so that you can know the things to look out for so that hopefully, if your child does have AD/HD it can be caught early enough that, even if they don't need medication, they can learn how to cope with their AD/HD symptoms while they are still at home and can get guidance from you.  Rather than try to write everything out I'm just going to find this really good link I found.  Enjoy!  http://www.addvance.com/help/parents/gifted_child.html

For my first chore of the day I put my medicine over into the weekly pill organizer.  I had such great plans when I bought this organizer but I have to admit I get pretty lazy actually putting the pills in there.  You'd think I'd learn, but now.  I've learned that I function better in the morning if I go back to sleep while my Vyvanse kicks in (sleeping can really be an adventure with AD/HD, but that's another post for another day).  So every morning when I get up I really regret not having the pills in the organizer.  Instead of just dumping them out in my hand and taking them I have to open each bottle (might as well take all of them at once so I don't forget to take them) and take out each pill (plus be sure to remember which bottles to open).  That's just way too much, with way too high a risk of waking up enough that I can't go back to sleep!  So, I took a minute to stop being lazy and get my medicine organized.

Now, I actually got some exercise in today!  I told myself I wouldn't count my softball games as part of this challenge since they are part of my daily routine and the point of this challenge is to get more out of myself.  BUT, if I choose to get in extra practice before the game, no restrictions apply.  I blogged last week about my frustration with my fielding in softball, so, I've asked a friend/coworker (who use to coach softball) to help me out and hit some softballs at me so I can get extra work on my fielding.  Since I have a pretty big gap between getting off work and my ballgame we met at a softball field close to work and I practiced fielding and his son practice T-ball.

Day 2 of the Two-A-Day Challenge

OK, because AD/HD so often goes undiagnosed in adults, for my first two-a-day topic for today I wanted to highlight some of the symptoms of adult AD/HD, especially the ones that often get overlooked and/or cause a person to be viewed as being lazy or just inept.

Taken from http://www.drhallowell.com/add-adhd/adult-add/

1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
2. Difficulty getting organized.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
6. A frequent search for high stimulation.
7. An intolerance of boredom.
8. Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following “proper” procedure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
13. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered.
14. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
15. A sense of insecurity.
16. Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
17. Physical or cognitive restlessness.
18. A tendency toward addictive behavior.
19. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
20. Inaccurate self-observation.
21. Family history of AD/HD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.

And for the second topic for today's Two-A-Day Challenge, here are some of the problems that can arise from undiagnosed adult AD/HD from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm

Physical and mental health problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can contribute to a variety of health problems, including compulsive eating, substance abuse, anxiety, chronic stress and tension, and low self-esteem. You may also run into trouble due to neglecting important check-ups, skipping doctor appointments, ignoring medical instructions, and forgetting to take vital medications.

Work and financial difficulties. Adults with ADD/ADHD often experience career difficulties and feel a strong sense of underachievement. You may have trouble keeping a job, following corporate rules, meeting deadlines, and sticking to a 9-to-5 routine. Managing finances may also be a problem: you may struggle with unpaid bills, lost paperwork, late fees, or debt due to impulsive spending.

Relationship problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can put a strain on your work, love, and family relationships. You may be fed up with constant nagging from loved ones to tidy up, listen more closely, or get organized. Those close to you, on the other hand, may feel hurt and resentful over your perceived “irresponsibility” or “insensitivity.”

After this week I plan to dig a little deeper into these two topics, perhaps with a full post for each topic to go a little more in depth.  Also, in the next week or so I plan to post about places to get help and resources available for those with AD/HD.

AND, for two chores (I intended to go to the gym at lunch and do one chore when I got home but that didn't work out).  I ran my Shark Cordless Floor & Carpet Sweeper in the living room and changed two lightbulbs (hey, I never said all my chores would be difficult, lol).

Well, I'm one day closer to two pairs of Yellowbox sandals, I've spread a little more knowledge, and two more chores can get knocked off my to-do list!  Have a great evening!

Day 1 of the Two-A-Day Challenge

Since most of my recent posts have been about AD/HD, I wanted to post something about depression for the first day of my Two-A-Day Challenge. Therefore my first research topic of the day was on the top 5 myths about depression. Here are the links I viewed.  http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/just-diagnosed-822-143.html http://www.helpfordepression.com/slideshow/drugs-and-medications/9-myths-depression http://www.slideshare.net/abhishekshah/depression-myths-and-facts I used a combination of the lists on these sites to create the top 5 list below.  There is still a lot of good information in the articles that were not included in this blog post so I highly recommend clicking on the links and reading through the articles/slides. **The number of a particular myth does not reflect how prevalence of the myth and anything in " " can be attributed to one of the links above.**

1. Myth: Depression is not a real medical illness.

    Fact: Depression is a REAL medical condition and is the leading cause of disability in    

              American adults. Depression has genetic, biological, social, and/or psychological  

              origins.

2. Myth: People who are depressed can “snap out of it” once they stop feeling sorry for 

                themselves.

    Fact: “Depression is marked by unexplained periods of hopelessness, sadness, lethargy,

                and suicidal tendencies. These episodes last for prolonged periods and can arise 

                suddenly and inexplicably, even when things in life appear positive.

3. Myth: Anti-depressants are the only thing you need to fight depression.

     Fact: A large study by the Institute of Mental Health showed that 70% of people can

               become symptom free through medication alone, however, other studies have               

               shown that combining medication with talk therapy is more effective. “While these 

               drugs have the ability to alter brain chemistry and fix the deep-rooted biological 

               problems, the most effective treatment for depression also includes psychotherapy. 

               The solution to depression is not as simple as popping a pill...In order to properly 

               treat depression and keep it away for good, a combination of talk therapy and 

               medication is usually the most effective method of treatment.”

4. Myth: Depression only affects women, the elderly, and the weak.

    Fact: Depression can strike anyone, at any time, and at any age. It does not discriminate.

              While the numbers suggest that depression is twice as prevalent in women as men,

               there is speculation that depression in men is still under-reported due, in part, to

               societal “norms” that expect men to keep their feelings and emotions to themselves

               and to never, ever, EVER ask for help. Suffering from depression and asking for 

              help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, given the stigma that still exists around 

              mental illness, it is much more courageous to admit you have a problem and ask for 

              help than it is to ignore the problem and hope it will go away.

5. Myth: If there's depression in your family tree, you are destined to have it yourself.

    Fact:   While having depression in your family can cause you to be predisposed to it, it 

                doesn't mean you will necessarily end up with it, just like having high blood 

                pressure in your family doesn't automatically mean you will also have 

                hypertension.

OK, now for my second research topic.  Below is a list of famous people who have, had, or are believed to have had depression and/or AD/HD.

Ashley Judd (depression and eating disorder), Howie Mandel (AD/HD and OCD), Brooke Shields (postpartum depression),  Justin Timberlake (AD/HD and OCD), Abraham Lincoln (depression), Michael Phelps (AD/HD), Terry Bradshaw (AD/HD and depression)

The list could go on, and on, and on but I think you get the picture.  AD/HD and/or depression do not have to stop you from being a success.  Fame/success does not make you immune from mental illness and mental illness does not make you immune to fame/success. I highly encourage you to do a simple Google search and see for yourself just how extensive the list really is.

Now for my chores/exercise.

My first chore was to dust the living room.  This is what happens when you have 3 dogs in and out of the house, a backyard FULL of that Alabama red clay, and a living room with WAY too many surfaces to collect dust.

My second chore was to put away all the clean clothes.  Folding/hanging laundry is my LEAST favorite household chore so sometimes my bed looks more like a closet than my closet does.

Fortunately, things look a lot more like the should now.

Well, day one of the challenge is in the books.  I've decide I will reward myself with 2 pairs of Yellowbox sandals this weekend if I meet the challenge for all 5 days.  Now, it's time for some mind-numbing TV!! :-)

Two-a-Day Challenge

OK, It's kinda random how I came up with this but...I've come up with what I'm calling the Two-a-Day Challenge for myself.  Initially I was just thinking about how rare it is for me to work on two posts in one day.  That produced a little giggle out of me as I thought about hearing the football players in high school talk about two-a-days (the rough period before the start of the season where they practice twice a day) and eventually thought about the show on MTV a few years back.  I actually never saw the show but one of the assistant coaches is originally from my home town so I do know about it.  Anyway, I kept thinking (I promise this wasn't nearly as long a thought process as it seems typing it out, lol) and I thought to myself, "You've been looking for a way to get more productivity out of yourself so why not make this a two-a-day challenge."  

So, here are the guidelines of my two-a-day challenge.  For the next 5 days (Mon-Fri) I challenge myself to research two topics a day regarding mental health in general, depression, anxiety, AD/HD, etc.  I also challenge myself to do two household chores a day, exercise twice a day, or a combination of the two.  To keep myself accountable I will post every night before bed with what I did for the day, complete with links, stats, and/or pictures.  Also, I will not allow myself to turn on the TV, watch movies/shows on Netflix, Amazon Prime, etc., or watch a DVD or VHS at any point that day until all of the tasks for the day have been completed.  That means no Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU, NCIS, or NCIS Los Angeles for a week if I don't get all of this done (how's that for motivation).

Now, on to what spurred the possibility of two posts in one day and eventually the two-a-day challenge...I was browsing through the ADDitude website and came across and interesting article.  ADDitude is a magazine that is devoted to giving "advice for living well with attention deficit and learning disabilities." (https://secure.palmcoastd.com/pcd/eSv?iMagId=09201&i4Ky=IU31)  Their website also has a lot of useful and valuable information and subscribers have full access to the digital archives of past issues.  I recently subscribed to the magazine (so recent I haven't even gotten my first issue yet) and have been looking through the website familiarizing myself with it and keeping an eye out for future blog topics.

The article I came across was titled "End Impulsive Overeating, Lose Weight, and Avoid Obesity." http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7306.html  It caught my attention because, since I started the Vyvanse I realized I don't eat as much junk as I use to (though I could still do better).  I realize this is partially because one of the side effects of most AD/HD medications is decreased appetite, but, over time, I also realized it was helping to curb my impulse to eat just because I could.  For those who don't feel the desire to read the article (even though it's fairly short) I'll sum up the main points.

1.  Use Your Hyperactive Brain to Lose Weight

2.  Don't Expect to be Able to Resist Food Temptations

3.  Take Time to Exercise

4.  Avoid Boredom and Stimulate Your Brain

5.  Schedule When You Eat

6.  Pay Attention to the Experience of Eating

7.  Teach Yourself When to Stop Eating

8.  Don't Give Up If You Blow It

9.  Slim Up Faster With These Tips

LOL, OK, so #9 gives away that I didn't really give you a summary but instead gave you the heading from each slide.  What good would I be doing you if I handed you all the information on a silver platter?  Go read the article! :-)  It's some good information for anyone who struggles with impulse eating, not just those with AD/HD.

Anyway, slide 4 mentioned avoiding TV because it provides little to no mental stimulation and can lead to overeating.  At that moment it was like a light bulb came on.  Even though I'm still much better than I use to be about eating, lately I've felt myself slowly slipping back into those bad habits and I couldn't figure out why but it finally clicked.  

My weekends have been a never-ending alternation between watching TV while playing on the the internet and sleeping (more to come on the sleep part later).  I'd tell myself that I was only going to watch one or two shows and then get up and do stuff around the house or get out and about in town but before I knew it one or two shows turned into four or five or more and now I was sleepy again so, "I'll just take a "quick" nap."  Two hours later I'd wake up but since it takes a little while for me to fully wake up I'd sit back down and turn the TV on and the cycle would repeat....During the times that I was awake I found myself constantly in-and-out of the kitchen for a snack even though I really couldn't figure out why.  Finally, I realized that, no matter how much I love my crime drama shows, sitting watching TV was boring my brain to no end, lol.  When I get bored or under-stimulated I end up sleepy, and eventually I'll take a nap in hopes of waking up more alert.  That boredom was causing me to eat out of habit instead of hunger.

I decided to put this new found knowledge to the test this afternoon.  I turned the TV off and got up and did a few things around the house.  I found myself much more alert and was even enjoying what I'd normally consider a chore.  Even now, as I sit on the couch typing this article, the TV is off and I've got my ipod plugged up to the stereo in the kitchen.  For some reason music has always helped me focus and I must admit this is the fastest I've written a blog post in quite a while and the longest I've been able to focus on it without thinking I was way to sleepy and needed a nap to be able to focus on it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on giving up TV all together.  I do still love my shows and like to keep up with the main characters who have become such a big part of my life (yes, I do realize they are actors portraying a role and not real people) but I've realized I'm going to have to limit the time I allow myself to watch or I'm never going to get any of the stuff done that I've got on my lists (that's right with ADDers it's always more than one list). :-)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this double dose today.  I'm still trying to decide on a "reward" for successfully completing the challenge so let me know if you have any suggestions.  I don't need anything big or extravagant, just a little something to say "well done Jen."

Keep on Keeping On

As I've stated in my previous posts, things have gotten a lot better for me since I started my ADD treatment, but, that doesn't mean that everything is perfect (much to my dismay, lol).

Softball has been a major part of my life almost as long as I can remember.  Minus a couple years as an adult when I didn't know anyone in the softball world here, I've been playing since I was 8 (I played coach pitch baseball (they pitched under-handed) at 6 & 7).  So, that's almost 20 years of softball and I'm still about a year and 3 months away from being 30!  Shortly after my birthday (and the big annual tournament) last year, I realized that I needed to take a break.  The game that I love had become a chore for me.  This was still a few months before I started going to my psychiatrist and got my meds straightened out or even knew that I had ADD.  My head was swimming with so many thoughts and emotions I couldn't keep up and the more I realized I couldn't seem to control them, the more thoughts and emotions started swirling around.  Softball had always been my escape, the place I could go to forget about problems for a while and just have fun.  Unfortunately my under medicated anxiety (the depression was pretty much under control) and un-diagnosed ADD was well on it's way to taking that solace away from me.

It took me a while to make up my mind but I eventually sent an email out to the team (I knew I'd never get my words together like I wanted in person) letting them know that I had greatly enjoyed being a part of the team but that I needed to take a break for a while to deal with some things.  It took a little while to adjust to not playing softball 3 or 4 days a week, but, I realized it really was for the best and I eventually dealt with it.

Well, a couple months ago, softball season came back around (we started practicing in February doing conditioning) and I was so excited.  With my new found peace of mind and the 35-40 pounds I'd dropped I just new I'd be back to playing up to my full potential and I was going to have a great season.  Then, before I even got to play in my first tournament of the season, I was injured.  I must admit, I got a little down about it and started to wonder if that was God's way of telling me I should have listened to Momma (who's been trying to tell me for several years now that I'd feel better physically if I stopped playing).  I didn't want to be one of those players who stayed in the game too long and people have the conversations about, "Man, they use to....," but I just couldn't give it up yet.  Maybe it was a little pride, I mean, here I am only 28 and I'm thinking about not playing because I've got bad joints but there are people 15-20 years my senior still out there playing, but mostly I just couldn't stand the thought of giving up something that had been such a huge part of my life for so long.

Anyway, to get back on track, fortunately my injury wasn't as serious as I'd drawn up in my head it was.  At first I thought my thumb was just jammed and if I could just get it to pop one good time I'd be better.  Then  I thought it was fractured.  By the time I realized I couldn't move it at all and I was going to an orthopedic doctor I was convinced I had snapped my tendon and was going to have to have surgery.  Fortunately, the fracture wasn't a fracture but a bad angel on the X-ray and my tendon was in tact.  I just had tendinitis that a cortisone shot would clear up.  Now, let me warn you, if you are the least bit squeamish or nervous about needles, DO NOT LOOK AT THE NEEDLE if you ever have a cortisone shot.  I think the shot hurt worse than the tendinitis but within a couple weeks I was back to normal and ready to pick back up my love affair with softball. :-)

I've been very happy that my hitting is getting back up to par for me.  It really is amazing to walk into the batters box and be confident again and not have a million and one "do this" and "don't do that"s running through my head.  Unfortunately, my fielding just isn't coming back like I'd hoped.  Growing up I played first and third base (obviously not at the same time, lol).  However, about my sophomore year in high school I realized that, due to my lack of foot speed, the upper upperclassmen were going to continue to beat me out for the third base position so I refocused on being the best catcher I could be (and not one of those you just put at catcher to hide them) in hopes of more playing time and it worked.  Before long I beat out the girl who was already the starter and I was the starting catcher for the Lady Bears Varsity softball team until I graduated.  Even though I still love to catch, the last few years I've found myself wanting to get back out in the field.  When I was playing in the field all the time the rhythm of catch and throw came naturally to me, but not so much anymore.  I rush (imagine that, and AD/HDer rushing, lol) and jump ahead of myself and try to throw the ball before I've actually caught it.  I realize whether or not I can catch a ball isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of life, but I LOVE this game!  I don't expect to be perfect but I really want to play up to my ability and I know I'm not.  After a scrimmage game last weekend I found myself very upset and contemplating giving up.  I even text my boyfriend and said, "This ADD really is messing up my fielding.  Why in world can't I focus on something I love so much?!" (Thankfully he realized what kind of mood I was in and just left it alone, lol).

I'm sad to admit that I was just about ready to give up.  I was about to cross over into the point of no return.  I'd already had to quit mid-season last year, if I did it again it'd start to look like a trend instead of a necessary step.  Thankfully, my inner voice kicked in, Gibbs-slapped me upside the head, and told me it was time to quit feeling sorry for myself and put on my big girl panties.  At that point I did what I do best in these type situations.  I prayed for guidance and started researching online.  Very quickly I found the names of several professional athletes who have AD/HD.  After reading all those names I started thinking, if they can overcome AD/HD to become some of the top performers in their sport, I can certainly overcome it enough to play Recreational Softball.

The moral of this story is this, no matter how well you've dealt with your mental health diagnosis, no matter how many plans and strategies you've put in place to help your life run more smoothly, there will always be the occasional day where things just don't seem to go your way.  Those are not the days that you need to give up and undermine everything you've worked so hard to put in place.  Those are the days that you have to dig deep and find the courage and the strength to "keep on keeping on," knowing that better days are just around the corner.

Because HE lives...

Happy belated Easter everybody!  I have to apologize for my recent absence from the blogging world.  God has been working with me to get some stuff started and, as has been my experience throughout life, the closer you get to living God's plan for you, the harder the devil fights to keep you from doing it.  I don't have any real excuse for not posting, I honestly just let myself be content with going to work and coming home to "relax," which, in my terms, means not do anything that involves any real thought processes.  In learning to work with my ADD I've realized that I need that kind of break but I think I may have let that become my crutch, my excuse for putting off until tomorrow what should have been done today.  I'd love to tell you this will never happen again but I'm not big on making promises I'm not certain I can keep.  What I will say though is that I have learned my lesson and I will work harder not to let this happen again.

Now, on to my post. :)

Wednesday of last week I woke up with a migraine in the making.  My head was already hurting and it was one of those headaches where the mere thought of food makes you feel like you're going to throw-up all the nothingness that's in your stomach.  I wanted to feel really sorry for myself.  I wanted to milk it for all it was worth, take the day off, and just sleep.  But, instead I made a conscious decision to make the best of it.  I reminded myself that even though I wasn't feeling well I was really very blessed.  I was able to get out of the bed under my own power, a blessing that too many people don't have, and that I should be thankful for the good things instead of dwelling on the bad.

I managed to muddle through my day and stayed remarkably upbeat despite feeling rough.  Then, as I walked through the parking lot to my car I was greeted with a beautiful site!

It was amazing how quickly the cares of the day melted away into childlike wonder at the site of this natural beauty.  I actually took a slightly longer route home just so I could see it longer and had a smile on my face the entire 30-45 minute drive home.  I enjoyed thinking of it as my rainbow.  It was God's gift to me for surviving a rough day. :)  I realize it wasn't really mine but it sure was fun pretending!

The rest of my week went well. Nothing spectacular, but positively upbeat.  Saturday was Momma's birthday and she and Daddy came to town to eat at Lone Star and I met them there.  Due to an illness in the family we weren't having our big family Easter Egg hunt this year so I decided to stay home an attend my own church this year.  It didn't take me long to realize that I was exactly where God wanted me that day.

I keep this little pad of paper with me so I can write down my special prayer requests.  I saw it at Family Christian Book Store and just had to have it though I really didn't know at the time what I was going to use it for.

Not all the prayer requests are for me.  Actually, most are for friends and family.  And, while I know I need God's guidance in all things big and small, I mainly write down the longer term requests as a reminder of what my family, friends, and I are working towards.  I use to go through it periodically as a way to keep me focused on the things that matter but lately I've been very lax about it.

Sunday I was looking through my purse for something during the Praise & Worship part of service and came across the pad of paper.  I pulled it out to look through it right quick and when I got to a page with a prayer request that had been answered I decided to pull out a pen and write Thank You!  I put the pen away and thought I was going to put the pad back in my purse but it just wasn't time yet.  As I looked through the book I noticed I had a changed mindset.  Instead of simply thinking "Yea, that hasn't happened yet," I found myself being thankful for the small changes I'd seen that I knew was God putting things in place to answer my prayer.  So, I got my pen back out and wrote a little thank you message on most of the pages.  The request that stuck with me the most was a prayer request I'd written down to no longer need my depression and anxiety medicine.  It amazes me how God works.  When I read that page I realized that God had seen through the misguided request that I had made to get at the heart of what I really wanted.  I just wanted to live my life without the depression and anxiety at the reigns.  I wanted to be in control instead of being controlled.

As I've stated in the past, depression and anxiety medicine will only get you to about 60% of "normal."  The other 40% has to come from YOU.  I know it's not easy, trust me, but your biggest triumphs over depression and anxiety begin when you set your mind to it.  I'm not saying all the symptoms will go away just because you think about it, and I'm definitely not suggesting you come off your medication as that decision should be made with your doctor and not all on your own.  But, when you begin to make that concentrated effort to better your state of mind instead of waiting for the medicine or a miraculous event to sweep you off your feet and take the depression away, slowly but surely things can begin to look up.

Before I wrap this post up I want to make it clear that I'm not suggesting that your depression or anxiety is "all in your head" or that it's simply a matter of not trying.  I've been right there with you.  I've been through the days where it was all I could do to get out of bed.  Honestly, there were days that if I didn't have to work to keep a roof over mine and the dogs heads and food in our bellies I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed at all.  I've even had the well meaning people who thought they could motivate me through it and the misinformed who said "Isn't depression suppose to be temporary" who, though their intentions were good, or at least not bad, really only served as a stumbling block, so I know exactly how hard it is to get to that point.  I didn't do it on my own though.  God has been there with me every step of the way and carried me when I didn't have the strength to walk it on my own.

In closing, I'd like to say that if you're reading my blog or any other available resources because you've realized that something's just not right and you want to know more about how things can get better you're taking a step in the right direction.  I encourage you, if you haven't already, talk to your doctor so the two of you can work together to find the solution that works best for you.  If you've been seeing your family doctor for a while and things just aren't improving like you'd hoped, maybe you should consider asking him/her to refer you to a psychiatrist.  I know the stigma that surrounds the idea of having a psychiatrist, I still personally struggle with that stigma even though I realize how much help mine has been but, having a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're one step away from being committed.  They went to school and specialized in working with mental disorders and can often help you in ways that your family doctor can't.  If you wouldn't think twice about going to a specialist for an ankle, wrist, shoulder, etc. then why not afford your mind, the thing that keeps it all going, the same luxury?